MORNING FREEZE

ITS -20 AND CALCULATE THE WIND FACTOR….

it’s a day where i declare my hibernation. hope the new year has come in for all in the best way possible, health , happiness and no worries. yesterday the traditional tree went down , back in the garage with its nutcrackers and various elfs.

glad to see Roxy the rotsky hasn’t taken any ornaments as toys , remembering the last casualties of the few that were left from the year before out all year dangling from drawer handles: two shiny moons with a snide smile and craving eyes were chewed up beyond recognition. among the victims were my mother’s eyeglass cases and i can still hear her asking about what happened to her Versace glasses…  this year all escaped her jaws except for some foam cherries in Santas bag…. this year , apparently she had a thing for chewing on Santa’s sack…

as for Kiwi, the devil dog/shitbag, and annoyingly cute lil bastard he has of late been behaving and hasn’t pissed the kitchen his second week running nor has he lifted his leg to the tree this year.

gifts were given and their meticulous wrapping paper violated by their respectful owners.

he still continues to cry and bark like he has to go pee really badly at 5am when the lil !@#% wants only to roll in the snow….

so here is to another year of tears and happiness

WHEN’S THE PARTY?

a phrase i used to ask all the time as a teen but now seem to dread as an adult. especially during the holiday season…. what fun catering to drunk family members , and draining your bank account.

all the same , all is well. child has already begun to ask about her presents and incessantly demands to open at least one before christmas,….please , please please !!!! just a small one, just one

sigh…

NO!

cue teenage mutant ninja

so each time now when she gets home from school she finds a the same lil red gift bag with blue tissue on her desk….

so far it has contained :

-one pack of chewing gum

-one pack of ferrero chocolate

-a set of furry leopard slippers

-a pocket size tissue pack

-a nickel (yes, 0.05$)

i started to get the eye roll treatment when she hit the slippers, then shed gone silent as i reminded her she asked for one small gift and i’ve provided more, how dare she feel ungrateful…  tisk, tisk your the one that asked

i think that tomorrow this lil red bag will contain “plastic” utensils in order to eat her food with

back to wrapping gifts for friends and family

hope your holiday season is a good one and this coming year better then what we all went through. long days, happy nights , health and happiness to you and yours.

HOURGLASS

When sleep may come

And dreams weave the night undone

With joys and horrors through the night

Let the thrills and ills wash us out until daylight

As we may waken in the sun’s warm ray

And face yet again what’s at bay

 

To live is to die, weather young or old

No matter when our story has been told

It must be grand

One which we write on stone not sand

Neither rain nor wind can erase it

Not but the memory of the mind that has made it

 

So dream, dream while possible

And when thus Reaper come

Greet him and let be done

Walk with him beyond the shadows

Past your horrors and ills

Towards yonder meadow hills

WHAT SAD THINGS ARE MADE OF

i write to you today with a heavy heart. in these times where the holidays are close and there should be laughter, joy and wonder, there is also loads of sadness, sorrow and contempt.

apart from the world’s’ issues this one is closer to my home, and maybe yours as well.

today my husband has lost a friendship. if it were one worth saving he would have done so

if it were not for his ex-wife’s plot to ruin his good name he would not have the opportunity to know who his friends really are, so…. i thank her for doing this dirty job of weeding out the bad seeds in his life.

but what saddens me the most is that there is this special little girl who deserves to see her father the way he really is. yet she is not a child but a soon to be adolescent who lives across the ocean from him and despite court orders has only come to visit twice , once for 4 days and this past summer for 2 weeks, instead of 5.

this woman who holds captive people based on her martyrdom. i have never witnessed anyone to be so manipulative and destructive. how does she get people to stay by her side even when she has beaten them to a pulp, robbed them, lied , cheated and done unspeakable acts?? how does this happen?

but more , how can this poisoning end not just for my husband who gets insulting messages from people , but for his daughter as well, who doesn’t have the chance to spend time with her father and is being told (directly or indirectly) how her father is a monster.

my own daughter loves him to bits,  (i have separated from her father when she was 3 years old. due to a violent relationship) i have stayed single for almost 10 years since i remarried now. never would this have happened if this man i now call my husband and have know for 5 years as a friend if he were any resemblance to what this woman says of him.

it bares mentioning that he was still married to her , one who i also considered a friend….

until i started noticing the abuse

at first it was signs i noticed from his behaviour that resembled mine and others who have experienced a violent relationship. then as she slowly started to show her real face to me , i was witness and victim to her abuse and manipulation towards me and her husband. (as well as some of her friends)

further observation showed that i wasn’t the only one who knew. co-workers also noticed bite marks , cuts, and bruises on him… and how they avoided her because of her character.

and so madame has chosen to blame me in the end , having introduced me to her friends here in my town where i grew up, and then hung me out to dry as her husband’s mistress.

sure things have turned out as they are now , but she never mentioned the fact that i was her mistress to begin with , at her beck and call. my naiveness and stupidity are not what this post is about just to add context and honesty.

how to end this woman’s rampage on 2 lives is the issue, how can someone be so cruel and any benefits to reap from her misdoings she already has. drained someone financially and morally . what are her benefits in continuing to do so? when will this end and what is to become of this little girls who through 5 years of having seen the type of mothering is more obvious to me now to be a money bag? what happens to her when she turns 16? her father holds communication but there is hardly a hello from the girl now for three months….

something fishy is definitely going on there, as the times she has visited though brief were spent in complete happiness and remarkable acceptance from her. the two girls , his and mine have been friends for 5 years and have been as sisters , so now they are truly. their relationship has not changed , my relationship with her has not changed , she still jokes an wrestles me to the ground in fits of tickle fights and laughter, but with her father , her best friend closer to him the to her own mother , has been a little strained…

how can this be helped? how can the threatening messages stop and the abuse from other parties who only know half a truth if it is even that?

the courts you might think. but we have no money to fight. especially now since madam has gone back to practice law…. yes, she is now a lawyer. having once before been a head nurse , (knowing all about the wonderful drugs and illnesses) to uprooting her husband and small child across the ocean, becoming a stay at home mother with no income and fully dependant (on prescription meds from her many illnesses that seem to come and go)

yes , then to abandon her husband by divorcing him blaming him for her relapse on crack and moving back across the ocean with child and money just as she has told me she would do , now a lawyer ….. this is a shit storm and my patience in writing now has turned ugly

its a frustrating plot even more so once you add all the botched immigration forms and cutting ties with his family , he is now slowly getting back in touch with them….

life for him is getting better, he sees his value, he knows his worth , he is well loved and respected as a human as a man. but he misses his daughter, i miss his daughter, this is time that we and she , won’t have back again. and he does so much to insure a good future for her , he works so hard , they both deserve better.

our only rescue is time, and the hope that life can turn out to be good if you are good, if you say your thank you for all you have , be humble and help others , see others as your equal… then maybe something out there will take care of the things you can’t readily help.

if any of you are in this situation , know you are not alone, there is worse, and be thankful that that is all and no more. better things are to come and all eventually comes to pass. good or bad.

SO FAR, THIS SUCKS

and this is why i hate winter, so we finally get our first snowfall here , looks like we’re getting a seasons worth in a day. i start to settle for a day spent in the comfort of a nice warm home, with loads of work to do in it. no venturing out means i don’t have to shovel.

happy me! yays!

“not so fast says the cold winter , remember , you’re in hell”

not soon after running a small pot of coffee and venturing in the laundry room did i notice something wrong.

“ok” i thought, the washer is in the fitz and has stopped dead in the middle of filling up, at times i have to wait and start it back up again. yes , i live a life of luxury, you don’t want to know the state of my dryer , but hey eventually both get the job done.

but things don’t stop there , the lights are dimmer, the internet has gone and the box has started blaring its alarm at me , “WTF is going on?”

so the situation now is this:

venturing from room to room i either have low lights to no lights to no problem, and in a chaotic fashion , the heaters have all gone, home is getting colder, fridge is not working , no hot water , no stove…. but the internet has returned , phone has stayed the same but the tvs all have a mind of their own , they work they don’t work…

electric company is sending another team in, “did they say it was going to be today at least???” its a transistor problem. so while the fridge and freezer go to the shits, the lights all act like their christmas lights, and the house is slowly turning igloo , we wait , and wait

meanwhile , a friend has boarded a morning flight to cancun and for once , because this doesn’t happen often , as i’m always thankful for what i have and never forget things can be worse , but for once, i am envious.

i spend all of winter with tense muscles because of the cold, i’m a stubborn unmedicated anemic so winter is very painful, still part of me is happy for the friend and look forward to wonderful pics of the vacation.

its getting dark, and i dont thing the electric company do any work in the dark…

guess i’ll have to settle for warm thoughts, child is home, safe

mother has been resting under my advice , lil cold but , safe

now to wait for husband , feed family take care of the various animals and dream of a warm, hot, bubbly bath…

 

HELLHOUND

now most of you may  look at roxy (rottweiler/husky) and pin her as the hellhound.

but i offer for you amusement the introduction of kiwi(coton de tulear) , as the famous mr. king calls his precious molly “the thing of evil” i beg to differ and offer this lil spawn up for the competition. other than hellhound kiwi has many names, (bastard, shit bag, beelzebub, the thing, evil, mental, and many in various forms on the scale of completely nasty to irritating proportions)

not being the only one with this type of dog many of its owners have related stories to similar if not same attitude , past that of simple superiority.

this bread wants you to think it is stupid in a bid to outsmart you in its machiavellian plots to have you run mad and take over your household or just simply your fridge and trashcan. he barks at any , all odd noises , shadows and voices he can not yet identify (ei tv set/radio, neighbours, various people walking past the house.) and of course there is the door bell in which he doesn’t stop no matter what you say or do, he will hide behinds a chair in the corner continuing to bark til the person has entered and the door is shut. then goes to claim treats form said person in fits of grunts , grumbles and whining as he is jumping on them.

more so he sits alone grunting and grumbling like an old constipated man , for no apparent reason…

he haters the rain , snow and grass preferring to drop his business in the middle of the sidewalk as you are walking him…. granted that you stop in time.

of course the challenge is getting him collard and on the leash as he will run and hide in places he knows you can’t get him in , and if you try, you’ll lose a digit or two off your hand. he whines to go out , and just as you’re about to reach him he looks you in the eye and i swear he’ laughing as he runs away behind the chair in the corner, only to come out minutes later after you’d gone and call you back again , this happens over and over and at various times of the day and night …. 3am is his favorite…..

oh , and he still shits and pisses the kitchen even if he’s gone out several times within the hour

he whines to be pet , claws at you if you dare to stop, hates getting trimmed and bathed and barks like a mad dog with rabies when he plays

any clues as how to deal with a dog of this nature? now before you think of why not just give him up, it’s because this little runt belongs to a loving lil girl who lives miles away from her father and is the only thing he has left of his lil angel….

UPDATE

AND NO MORE THAN 2 HOURS AFTER HAVING RANTED AND RAVED AT KIWI FOR BEING THE MISERABLE CONSTANT WHINER AND GRUMBLING OLD PUP , DID THE LESS AND OVERLOOKED MISCHIEVOUSNESS OF DEAR YOUNG ROXY MADE ITS APPEARANCE. AFTER LETTING BOTH DOGS OUT IN THE YARD EACH ON THEIR OWN LONG LEADS (MAKING SURE THEY STAY IN THE YARD) …. I WAS OUT TROLLING THE BLOCK LOOKING FOR THE GENTLE GIANT DRAGGING ALL 15M OF HER UNATTACHED LEAD.

NOW ROXY IS PART HUSKY AND THEY LOVE THE SNOW, SHE IS ALSO KNOWN AS A RUNAWAY DOG , MEANING IF THERE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO VENTURE ABOUT SHE WILL.

ONCE FOUND THE CUES TO “COME HERE” AND BACK HOME” DON’T MEAN A THING TO A DOG LIKE THIS, I HAD TO EVENTUALLY SNEAK UP ON HER AND POUNCE ON THE TIP OF HER LEADS THAT WAS MOVING OUT OF REACH FAST. I QUICKLY LASSOED IT AROUND ME, FEW MINOR SCRAPES AND BRUISES AND ME , (THAT DREADS THE SNOW SO MUCH WAS WALLOWING AND WRITHING IN IT WRAPPING THE LEAD AROUND ME AS NOT TO HAVE IT SLIP OUT OF MY GRASP AGAIN.

WHAT ABOUT KIWI YOU ASK?   HE WAS THE SAVING GRACE WITH HIS SNIPPY ALERT ATTITUDE AND SHEER DOGGEDNESS OF TRYING TO FIND ROXY , BARKING UP A STORM AT PASSERSBY OF “WE LOST ROXY FUCKING HELP US YOU YOU BASTARDS!” SNIFFING HERE THERE THE GROUND THE AIR AND BARKING OUT, SCRATCHING AT DOORS ONCE LEFT BACK IN AND RAMMING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE GLASS TO GO BACK OUT AND LOOK FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND. HE WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I WALKED BACK IN WITH HER , HE GOT 2 TREATS AND A BELLY RUB FOR HIS EFFORTS AND ROXY IS GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY INDOORS AWAY FROM THE SQUIRRELS.

NO HUNTING TODAY ROXY, SHORT WALKS FOR YOU AND NO BEDTIME BONE,

SORRY GIRL

 

CALL ME HOME

Now as he sits, his shadow stands tall lurking behind him as he ponders how he got himself here.His gaze fixed on the tilted lampshade casting its glow on the crack in the wall. It reaches all way to the ceiling. A crumbling monument itself. Gilded corners, spot lights half hung out of their sockets.

The traffic noise from the open window whispered a simpler life, but he did not hear this. All that echoed in his head was the tic-tic-ticking of the grandfather clock crowding the hallway and mocking at the passing of time never to be regained again.

His heart pounding chaos in his chest, his throat seized, rasping for air. For all his stillness a clump of goo fell out of his hair

and caused the hammer to fall out of his grasp.

Hed forgotten he had it. The sound of it hitting the floor shook him awake and as if for the first time, he gazed mesmerized by the sticky red on his hands…

Down the hall by the grandfather clock a door opened and shut. He heard the slow tapping of heels on the linoleum followed by a mellow voice;

“Oh Johnny, not again.”

A gentle hand straightens the lampshade.

The hammer is picked up and disappears off.

The long arm of the grandfather clock is stilled and silenced.

A dishcloth rubs his hands clean, picks under his fingernails and cuts are bandaged.

His hair is smoothed back, and a trenchcoat cast around his naked body.

Bright red lips, black hair, black nails. his eyes strain to adjust their focus on her sharp features. He feels enthralled by her,

or at least, that he should be.

Who is she? How and what does she know? But, even more a pressing question

Who is that(was that) slumped over the kitchen table with half their brains now in the dinner plate?

 

WAKING UP TO THE SNOW

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so it’s been three days since my month long /seven days a week 10 to 12 hour shifts has ended and i still feel dead after such a rest.

i needed the long stretch that happens every 6 months to renew my look on life and the ways people are and can be. i live mostly in solitude taking care of what is immediately around me in my home between walls and the pen and paper. every so often i’ll put things down on my fancy typewriter that is my laptop and having started this site,  dare to turn my visage to the outside world much further than what lays across the road from me.

so here goes, this contract job sucks the life out of me, has my legs go numb and hardens the skin of my feet as its constant rushing about picking up after the most messy customers that swarm the place. if ud ever been out to a black friday , this was it for me for the whole month. some are colorful people with wonderful attitudes and kids who find clothing on the floor and try and put them up to safety before the get rolled on or trampled on. but most don’t care, they forge a path to what they see and try and get to it before anyone else. sizes are sparse and when they see it’s not the one they’re looking for they toss it aside or dump it on the floor. i swear some people don’t know how to use a hanger , have no idea how to put something back the way they found it or have any consideration for the fellow shopper or even , the owner.

he and the rest of the staff there admire how hard i work to keep my section neat and presentable often letting go of my momentary outbursts toward the most vile of shoppers. holding my tongue often enough when kids go missing or having their temper tantrum because they’re tired and hungry but mom and dad need to shop. most frustrating! most cries go completely ignored  and when not the wrath of the ill parent comes to an ugly light. sparking me to shake my head and say under my breath “how dare they” , a child is a child and what really do they expect?

some lighter moments included being treated to a “na-na-na” version of jingle bells because the words were being filled out by a 2 year old just learning the traditional jingle and still after half hour of this he wasn’t ready to give up doing his best in belting the song out. cute lil muslim boy… then came the end of day , jingle bells still stuck in my head until a lil pakistani girl came out of the rack of clothing singing “master!master!” (nah, it can’t be master of puppets from metallica. a wry smile on my face , now that was cute!!

its wasn’t all complete torture , as hard as it was keeping things running and sorting more clothes out on the floor , i ran around the place to tell the other girls one day if they spotted santa’s helper? i was met with questionable looks , “is she finally going mad?” ,”no doubt too many hours done” but they burst out laughing as i told them to look over my shoulder at the woman in a bright green dress with red polka dots on the trim and sporting bright red tights with a matching knitted hat on her head hung down in the back , matching to a tee the two santas helper/elf nighties for kids that matched her attire. to where i went up to the boss telling him that i’ve run around the place chasing santa’s helper and if i catch her do i get a raise? cue him looking over my shoulder and pissing himself laughing as i hold up the jumpers.

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before the day ended on what was the last week of the mad sale, the crew break out the ping-pong table paddles and the dreaded tennis ball that is used with the same paddles but not the table, right front of the cash registers as the remaining clients pay for the items and dodge out. the floor guy asks me before he goes to join the fun in spotting him as he throws the boxes from uptop for an order to be shipped out early morning. so i stand watching him toss box after box about the size of a gamestation from the top of the 12foot ladder to the ground, making sure no rogue kids are running around. the ping pong table lay waiting not far behind…..

next day i’m called as a witness to who and how the pingpong table got murdered…

you were with him when it happened i was questioned by one as the two others stood in disbelief and utter despair. i began to scan the folded up  table to see what was broken, hinges looked fine and i began questioning what was the big drama to cause such a look from 3 grown men? it was almost laughable when i realized they were scanning the ground lifting everything around it like their life depended on it to find a small coaster shaped leg cushion… did the boxes hit it? did you see or hear anything? why did he throw them here ?  oh dear god it’s not as if you boys can’t play anymore, the table is fine with or without it. i thought it was broken beyond repair… of course i did not say this but stuck to what was the truth, i was with him but didn’t notice or hear any boxes hitting anything other than the floor. for all i know it could have been any of you moving the multiple of ladders from around here , where this table isn’t usually stored. they fumble away after finally finding it  and i’m guessing feeling much like little girls about the whole thing.

it’s not without its amusing moments, i’ll miss the staff and hope all stay well and ready for the next run in april. the last day i put the broom down turned and took one last pic of the vacant mess and the one thing still struggling to stand, broken down and discarded clothing rack that sat there like a rusty old car abandoned on a desolate dusty road.

i looked at it and sympathized.

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THE DY”SEL”XIC DILEMMA

being mildly dyslexic, when it came time for the time change back an hour this season i stupidly didn’t double check my mind and took the flying monkeys word that we lose an hour of sleep instead of gain…. so earlier this week and after a long 14 day stretch of insufferable 10 hour and 12 hour shifts, i set my clock , put the alarm earlier as i was asked to come into work earlier than usual 7:30am instead of 8:10 and went to bed….

woke groggy, still dark , why is it still so dark and the streets are so dead?? mind hasn’t woken yet, have i missed my buss…. i’m suppose to take the first one on the line… is it late , the driver is probably running slow , too early , maybe grabbing a coffee and doughnut at the local shop for his run…..

shit i’m gonna be late,… hail cab and make it down. cabbie making small talk was giving me odd looks was too  tired to pay him more mind then was the limit of being polite.

by this point if you’re not laughing at me for getting to work at 6:30 in the flipping morn’ instead of 7:30 i at least got to see a sun rise , in the mocking cold no less but i could describe to you each of the changing shades of red leaves covering the ground had as i paced about first swearing at the person that was supposed to come in early with me and open the doors and then at myself for finally realizing that i just might of screwed up on the time somehow…. an hour more , not less this time of season….

the bloke , stood their straight faced when i told him just how long i was waiting out in the cold, nice enough not to laugh but handed me his espresso to warm up while i ran a fresh pot of coffee for later. he then asked, didn’t you check your cell phone?

to which i replied, i don’t have one

cue very puzzled look

my extended morning is down to an end now, get dressed and off to work with me. boss has cut my hours for the next two days saying rest is earned, instead of 8 morn to 8 night i begin at noon, sun has been up for a while time to tend to husband, child, mother dogs and bird…. one less as my lizard passed away this summer. now to tend to myself.